Wangan Midnight (Part 1)

About seven or eight years ago, there would be very rare times I would go to Ayala Center Cebu. Whether it would be hanging around or going with parents, I barely go there. However, I am an avid arcade goer to this day. Since the arcades at SM City Cebu is the nearest to me, I’d go there on weekends. Although the Timezone arcade in Ayala is better due to the many games.

There was one time in 2011 that I went to Timezone Ayala Center Cebu to have fun. There were like one or two racing games that I remembered being there, but one attracted me a lot of attention.

4 players were in that machine, racing each other in modified cars, utilizing their skills. As a fan of racing games, I was fascinated with the racing game. Overtaking multiple times on corners you never expect, powersliding on left and right turns, customizing it the way you want to do it and many things possible. Watching them, it made me appreciate and try it. But I was sad at the time since you needed a card system. The ones you save your progress in. Those things that you have to keep and not lose it to keep your hard work.

I needed to have the cards they’re using, but it costs like Php 23 ($0.43 in US Dollars) per game but needed at least 4-5 swipes to purchase a card. The money I had at the time would not be enough to buy one card, just maybe 2-3 games. I made a vow to save at least enough to buy a tuning card.

The next time I went at Timezone Ayala Center Cebu, I had the money to buy a tuning card. I was excited to play for the first time. However, I already had to think which car to take. Randomly, I took a Subaru Impreza (GRC) because I like the form of it. Basically because hatchbacks. The name of it was random too. I didn’t know what to name my car either, and in addition, I didn’t know that you could use the gear shift to select letters. Nonetheless, I used the steering wheel anyway.

I named my GRB “ADLNN” out of randomness. Not the best name, but at least I finally had a tuning card.

Immediately, I jumped in a battle with other racers. Unfortunately they are way faster than me, and I cannot keep up. I wondered why I cannot keep up. Unfortunately, I only had one credit for the game, so I stopped playing. It was sad, but it is what it is.

The next time I went though, I had enough to do at least 3-4 stages of story mode. As a bonus, I got to upgrade my car to be faster. Still, that will not be enough to keep up to the other players.

I did not go to Ayala that much afterwards, because I have school. Although I would want to keep looking at my card because I wanted to use it. I wished to go back to playing the game.

That was when after a while, the arcade I go to at SM City Cebu finally had the same game like the ones in Ayala Center Cebu. Although the one at SM is in Japanese, that was enough.

The game’s name was Wangan Midnight Maximum Tune 3DX+.

Is Final Fantasy XV worth the wait?

Most of us know that Final Fantasy XV was supposed to come out on the 30th of September this year. Basically, everyone was excited to get the game and play as Noctis Lucis Caelum, the main protagonist in the game. Dedicated fans of the franchise waited for ten long years, even when the game was still called Final Fantasy Versus XIII. Everyone had waited for so long to a point they would literally go to Square Enix and ask a copy days before release. The game was originally scheduled to be released on the 30th of September.

Source: Square Enix

Unfortunately, the head developer of the game, Hajime Tabata, announced in a YouTube video posted on August 15 that game had been pushed back to the 29th of November due to circumstances like not wanting to let gamers download a massive “Day One Patch” that would take so much space and time. At the time of the video, they only finished the master gameplay. It would be understood why the delay was necessary. Polish gameplay mechanics, add more depth into each character, you name them all.

As I found out on social media, there were many mixed reactions.

There were fans that were considerate and would be willing to wait for two more months because they understood the situation all the developers were in. A Twitter user said that she would be willing to wait despite the delays because according to her, the long wait would be worth it through it.

Unfortunately, there were fans that did not like the decision because according to some of them, they already had plans to play the game by the original release date. Those same fans disappointed at Square Enix, especially when they promised that release date and had an unexpected turn. As a result of the news, many fans threatened and/or cancelled their pre-order of the “Ultimate Collector’s Edition” or the “Day One Version” of the game.

Many fans had the right to be disappointed. Square Enix even held a PR event called “Uncovered” that was held on the 30th of March to reveal some content of the game and a proper release date. Fans were so eager to know when the game would be released.

Now that the delay has happened, the big question begins to loom. Is buying Final Fantasy XV worth it despite the numerous delays over the last few years?

In all honesty, although I do not have a PlayStation 4 and an Xbox One, I would say that it is still worth it.

Imagine yourself as a developer of a game. It would take a lot of time to finish it, right? If you were in their shoes, would you understand the whole situation why the game was delayed?

Although I may never get a new generation console at this point in life, I still feel that the game would be worth playing. Seeing the gameplays from YouTube through demo versions, in trailers and the first few chapters of the full game.

Quality will not matter. As long as the story has meaning and it gives a feel, I can live with that. Positive comments from people I know on Twitter made me feel better about the delay. I can tell that there are still many dedicated fans of XV.

Noctis is a very interesting character, considering his background. His other buddies are also very interesting to know, after seeing all five episodes of “Brotherhood”, not including the bonus episode with Luna.

To end what I needed to say, Final Fantasy XV has had a tough road to where it is right now. Ten years in the making, imagine that. From the time it was Versus XIII, the reasons why they had to reboot it to XV and replace Stella with Luna. From promotions to PR events, the franchise has worked hard.

Come the 29th of November, I am sure it is going to be the best day as a fan of the Final Fantasy franchise.

What is a mother to you?

first posted on May 8, 2016

 

A mother may be an ordinary human being, but to us, she is more than that.

She is the very reason why we are alive. She always dreamed of having a son and daughter. She is always eager to raise a child. She always dreams to teach us the way of life. She scolds us for a reason when we do things wrong, which we understand. She cares and loves us with all her heart. She is a role model to all of us.

She is a person that sacrificed nine months of her life to create us. The pain she went through for nine months just to develop us, the suffering that she may not bear for so long….the hardships she made herself go through. She did everything to make you, in her eyes, a perfect being. She did everything to make sure you are born. She made sure that you are safe and sound. She made sure that you exist.

Without you, mom, I wouldn’t be here. Without the other moms, we wouldn’t be here too.

Happy Mother’s Day, ma. I love you.

Stay Back

Originally posted on 9/15/2016 http://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1sp3uv8

Why did you come and attack me at a crucial time like this?

You have to be the most devastating thing to ever exist.

Of all the victims around the world, why did you choose me?

Why not anyone else who have better lives than I have?

Why spare their lives but not mine?

I never did anything bad!

I just wanted to be happy. Not for you to come out of nowhere!

You are an annoying distraction that is jealous of me.

You are targeting me because you want me to fail.

You want me to be clouded with your hate, your heart and your wicked ways.

You desired for me to be jealous. I will never forgive you for that.

You manipulated everyone so that I could be in your state.

You gave me tendencies to be a psychopath.

You intended to make me commit suicide.

You will never stop until I have perished.

GET AWAY FROM ME.

Depression.

Yesterday and Tomorrow

(4/24/2016, 14:01, uploaded on 4/2/2018, 00:03)

The person of yesterday was a passionate, loving and considerate individual. He would show love and care towards others and he keeps everything fair and clean. Neither did he show his inner demons to anyone, nor does he speak ill towards one another. The person of yesterday was someone that takes everything seriously, whether it is a small task or a big objective. He did not lose the task at hand, the person of yesterday manipulated ideas on how to solve the problem with ease. He was independent and can be his own man. He did not give up in any form of surrender. He did not embarrass himself in front of millions. He accepted the growing reality despite its increasing negativity. He used that negativity as a platform for the road to positivity. He waited for the perfect time to reach success, no matter how long it took. The person of yesterday was supposed to be the seed for the person of tomorrow. However, it was not meant to be.

 

The person of tomorrow might be an egotistic, hating and heartless individual. He would show no love and no care towards everyone and he does not keep everything even. Most of the time, he would let out all the anger, all the hate and all the pain to someone. He would want to do it not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically. When all hope is lost, he just simply gives up. He will be too dependent with someone who is similar to the person of yesterday. He will mind break someone to a point the pride he never swallowed is the reason for another person to snap. He will not wait for too long as the person of tomorrow is someone that wants everything right away. He will bicker and complain why he has not gotten what they have. He will never accept criticisms and the growing reality because he does not want hear the negative truth. He will stay like that forever. He will never wait for the perfect time, because he thinks that he is a perfectionist.

 

The person of today is you. A hybrid of the person of yesterday and tomorrow. You have the option about who you want to be.

 

Which side are you on?

 

Choices make or break you, so choose carefully.

The Latter

Big or small, an act can cause a massive impact, whether positive or negative. Normally, that term applies on the latter to a point it becomes worse. Nobody wants that to happen, but it happens anyway.

Trying to fix it has two paths: one that leads to a rough but potential success, and one that also goes to a rough path but it leads you to obscurity. The latter path is most likely to happen due to circumstances beyond control. Misery will become a nightmare. Failure is inevitable. Regrets are made.

Lastly, moods have two phases. Brightness and despair. The former can be temporary phases or occasional celebrations. The latter will stay put no matter how much you want to get out of it. Sadness is a common thing. Anger wants you to let go of everything you are tired of. A life full of hopelessness is upon those who take the path of no return.

Former or latter, no matter what happens, the latter will always prevail. So much for hopes and dreams, they said.

Overthinking

It’s been three months since I last posted something here. I cannot blame time, and I cannot blame projects and other academic related things. Basically, that is part of growing up. I learned to accept that. However, there is one major challenge I had since writing a blog three months ago. You would already know by looking at the title.

To be honest, that was bothering not myself, but also friendships along the way. Because of the busy schedules we had throughout the semester, I have little to no time to talk to anyone. In my mind, I have this mindset where I worry if I screw things up or disappoint my classmates. I have another mindset where I assume my classmates hate me for real when they were just acting kind towards me. That last statement is half true or not. Still, that bothers me too much.

When it comes to my scholastic report, a.k.a. “Grades”, I already know that I am not aiming to be part of the “Dean’s List”, even if I made it unexpectedly last semester. However, the grades I had from my prelims to midterms said otherwise. I nearly failed Science Elective during prelims, I nearly failed Effective Communication during the midterms, and now I am uncertain if I would fail on research. I think that I would get a bad grade and prevent me to move on to the next year. That bothers me a lot.

Speaking of research, that is where it just completely placed me in a state of more uncertainty. It makes you use your brain as much as trying to figure out how to pay with a credit card online. The defense placed me in a lot of stress, because my group mates and I had to do heavy revisions after the defense, even when my short summer was supposed to start. Changing every key component, following the advice of the panel, trying to figure out what the hell am I doing. This is too much.

Overthinking ruined me. Now, I feel uncertainty towards people, friends, family and performance. I always think of the uncertainties that lie ahead. I am a fool for being in this state. I cannot bear this feeling anymore.

I just want to be free.

An Open Letter To 2016

2016, you have been one year to remember.

You were the year that gave me one of the toughest times to endure. During the beginning of the year, I underestimated you that it would be an easy year to conquer whatever you gave me. I was confident that you were an easy obstacle. As it turned out, it was a year that I wanted to forget. In fact, you gave me the worst time that I will never forget. You gave me sadness, struggles, conflict, triggered arguments with my closest friends and depression. I would never forgive you for doing this to me. I’ve changed emotionally because of you and I am not happy about it until now.

However, you were the year that gave me happiness and joy. Even with the bad vibes you gave me throughout the year, I knew at some point you would guide me out of obscurity and into success. I was able to learn from one of the very best in the business, became more skillful with apps related to my course and giving me a potential dean’s list award. I’ll admit I slacked off because I was not serious despite having an all major subject format during the First Semester. I guess you gave me a blessing in disguise.

With that said, I thank you for the memories you let me make in 2016. I got to meet new friends, strengthened bonds with existing friends and made me closer to my mother. I really appreciate what you did for me.

I’ve heard that you’re ending so soon. All I can say is that you have left a mark not just in my life but also to the seven billion people here on Earth.

You will forever be a memory.

Thank you.

An Open Letter To The Depressed

Look, I know you are not going to read this message because either you would try some methods of how to end your life. If you do read this, think about the things you have done as you continue on.

 

I would guess that you are in between fifteen to twenty-one years old or older than that. You are a college or high school student trying to make yourself by getting excellent or even decent grades. Maybe you are a person looking for a job to make ends meet. I get your situation.

 

I want to guess your situation right now.

 

You may be rich, poor or average. You say that you are happy but you are not. You aimed for higher goals that you could not reach because of the state you are in. You are not satisfied of what you have done, so you aim for more. You were not satisfied because their work is better than yours, higher level than what you have or just too good to outshine what you have.

 

You may be a person who envies what a person has, what you do not have and how updated that person is. Your feelings went downhill when you have not been selected but the other person is. You get depressed to a point you cannot become better.

 

You may be a person who has fighting troubles, especially with your parents. You would think that they will never understand you. You would think that they are the authority power to a point you are powerless because they said the right thing. You think that are making your life worse when in fact you should be grateful that they are with you. You wanted them to die.

 

You may be a person who is lost at what you want in life. Your mindset as a result is lack of motivation, the “I’ll just stick to whatever happens, I don’t care” mentality and the common mindset of giving up. You do not want to continue on with life anymore.

Source: Pinterest

You would then grab an object: A knife, a rope, a pointed object, a table, a cord of some sorts or any generic item. If not an item, you would climb flights of stairs all the way to the top of the house or school balcony or the top of a tall building. A hill or mountain if you like nature. Maybe even take loads of pills.

 

Then you would what every human being should never do.

 

Commit suicide.

Source: Pinterest

As you do the act, would you ever think about how it would be a regret by the time your time is running out.

 

Before you could stop it, there would be no more movement from your arms, legs and even your heart.

 

Motionless.

 

Dropped body temperatures.

 

Blood on the floor.

 

Death.

 

Think about it. If you would do it, would it be a happy ending towards your life? is that what you wanted? Is this the solution that you have always desired to happen? Is this the last resort for you?

 

How would people think of you now? Would they say that you were intending to do that? Would they perceive you as a suicidal person? Would they think of you now as the person that was waiting for his/her life to be over?

 

How would your parents feel, especially your own mom? Imagine what they did.

 

Your mom gave up nine months. Yes, nine months. She gave up all of her time, her job, her energy and possibly her own life to make sure that you come out of her womb alive. She would sacrifice herself and put everything on the line for you to be born.

Source: thebreastcaresite.com

 

After that, she would be devastated that all the hard work she had gone through, those nine months she sacrificed, disappear because you would commit suicide.

 

Listen.

 

I know that you have been suffering for a very long time. I get it. I understand it. I have the same feeling as you. At one point in life, I wanted to end my own life too. I wanted to get away from reality once and for all because it was treating me badly. I just wanted to stop my suffering.

 

Eventually, I learned my lesson. I knew that ending my own life will never solve anything at all. Ending what is actually a temporary problem would be a permanent solution. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I understood that my life is very valuable and precious.

 

You will realize what God had done for you and why He let you have this life. He knows what is in store and you should always have faith in Him.

 

A brighter future would await in life. Just believe in your dreams, your goals and your inspiration.

 

Do not let depression invade your life.

 

I have faith in you, young soldier.

 

I really do.

 

Dream on. I will see you soon.

Source: Quotestagram

 

Header credits: Huffington Post

Four Months

It happened so fast.

I was a completely different person before the school year started.

In all fairness, the sudden change in a short amount of time was what I did not see coming. When the semester started I was optimistic, eager and willing to learn what is in store for the school year. The feeling of camaraderie and unity when working together, it was initially there. Even with a bumpy first and second year in college, it finally felt like home. I have gotten used to the atmosphere to a point I am adapted to it with love. All I needed to do is to keep following what I aspire in life, whether I do it alone or by a group. In short, I was excited to work with classmates again with group projects.

Four months later, I do not know if I have the same motivation as before.

As the months go by, there was project after project after project and so on. At first, I assume it was okay because there was at least one member who I had on two to three different groups. I really thought it was fine.

In all honesty, it’s not.

Imagine yourself, trying to split you time and money on different groups. Sacrificing a subject for another subject. The arguments and misunderstandings, especially when you do not agree on a certain thing.

It is when I realized I was slacking off. It was with reason. As the projects kept piling up like an overfilled jar of water, that was when I realized that it was too much. I was not fully aware that I was losing seriousness in my studies until September.

It sounds stupid when a material thing breaks and it starts one big chain reaction. Unfortunately, that was the case.

My Flare S4 just gave up on me days before the intramurals. Fortunately, I was able to do a video output on an event that I was supposed to promote. The thing is that starting from the Saturday when I was tasked to watch an event, I had less than sixteen hours to do the video reaction. Considering that the deadline was at one o’clock in the afternoon, I was in panic mode. My phone was at work from recording, 4G data and Wi-Fi hotspot. It just died in the evening.

After that, it went downhill afterwards.

Excluding the days from the intramurals, so much work had to be done. I reached that point where I said to myself “F*** this.” That was when I started to feel moody. I am not fond of being in that state, but it just felt like I do not need help from others anymore.

Weeks passed by, and my mood really went to an all-time low. It went very low to a point I had an anxiety attack. To be honest this is not the first time I had it in these four months. I had a similar one far worse than before the chain reaction. I do not want to remember them.

The semester was about to end. Normally, I would feel optimistic that I get a few weeks off from school. However, I just did not feel that happy. The semester itself took away all my true happiness. The fun and excitement of it all, faded away in a matter of months. I cannot smile with feelings under my own will. In fact, I do not like it when someone forces me to smile.

Can I feel what I want to feel for once?

I am a different man now compared to what I was four months ago. Turning twenty recently officially marked my departure from the teenage days.

Reality struck me like a ton of bricks.

Next semester, it will be the same scenario, but ten times the intensity, even my semester was surrounded with major subjects.

Welcome to reality, Ian.